To live again
by Tess84
Summary: When William Spike Giles comes to run the diner where Elizabeth Winters works, the attraction between them is evident from the beginning. But will Spike be able to help Elizabeth get over her past? And what really happened? Don't own them.
1. Chapter 1

**One**

"_No, Angel! Don't go! Please don't leave me!" She was crying now, but she didn't care. Angel turned and looked at her, Connor in his arms and a small smile on his lips._

"_We have to go, you know that. This world isn't ours anymore." He was walking backwards away from her, and no matter how hard she tried to follow them, they seemed to just get farther and farther away._

"_Then let me go with you! Please, I can't loose you again!" She was desperate, but he kept smiling that smile, his 'everything-will-be-OK' smile. It always calmed her, but not this time.  
_

"_You can't, I'm sorry. You still have things to do here." They were disappearing into the darkness now, and she couldn't follow._

"_NO!"_

"NO!" Elizabeth was awoken by her own scream. For a moment she didn't know where she was. Where was Angel? What was this place? Where was her son? She looked around in the pale moonlight, and slowly her surroundings started to make sense. She looked at her alarm clock. 5.00 A.M. She sighed. Four hours since she was finally able to go to sleep.

She pushed the covers aside and got up. Even if she hadn't slept much, she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, she never could. She made her way to the bathroom. She didn't have to be at work for another five hours, but she might as well get something done now that she was awake anyway. She needed to clean up and go grocery shopping before the weekend, now was as good a time as any.

She turned the shower on and got out of her pajamas while she waited for the water to get warm. She felt a crack in her neck as she pulled the top of and massaged the aching body part. She knew it would always hurt, the doctor had made that clear. Whiplash injuries didn't heal.

She turned to the mirror to look at herself. Tears came to her eyes when they reached the two bullet shaped scars below her right shoulder and traveled further down to the long, red line on her stomach and the burn scar on her left thigh. She knew she had gotten away easy, physically. Most of her scars were on the inside, for no-one to see. She had made sure of that. She gave her neck one last rub before stepping into the shower, letting the water wash some of the pain away.

Elizabeth left her apartment at 9.30. Usually, it only took her about ten minutes to walk to the diner where she worked, but it had been snowing all night and the streets of New York were almost impassable. She had gotten the job two weeks after she moved to New York. After spending a week in her apartment, she had realized she had to get a job. It wasn't like she needed the money – it was the distraction she was after. The staff at the diner were like a big family and they had tried to get her to join them for different activities in the beginning, but had soon given up. She didn't let anyone in, that only led to pain.

Now, five years later, the world she had so carefully built for herself had been disrupted. Two months earlier, her boss had announced that he had sold the diner, introducing the new owner, a Mr. Rupert Giles. He had seemed nice enough, talked to the staff and explained the changes he was planning on making. Everyone had assumed that he would be the manager, like Mr. Johnson had been, but a week later they had been introduced to his son William, or Spike, like he wanted them to call him, who was going to run the diner for his father.

After he had introduced himself, he asked them to do the same. He kept eye contact with the person who was talking, and when it became her turn, Elizabeth could feel his eyes upon her. She tried to avoid eye contact, but it was like his eyes drew her in. Finally, she gave in and their eyes met. She could almost feel the electricity spark between them. She had fallen right then and there, not being able to hold back no matter how hard she tried. What she didn't know, was that so had he.

xxxxx

Elizabeth glanced at the clock. 3.45, only fifteen minutes left of her shift. She sighed in relief and placed her order to the chef just as Spike entered the diner from the office behind the kitchen. As always when she saw him, her heart skipped a beat.

"Elizabeth, could I have a minute?" Elizabeth looked up, frowning.

"Sure." He held the door to his office open for her and pointed to the chair opposite his own. They both sat down.

"I'm having a bit of a problem, that I'm hoping you'll be able to help me with." He kept eye contact while he talked to her. "Sheila called a couple of minutes ago, and her daughter's sick, so she won't be able to work today. Could you take her shift?"

"What, another six hours? Can't anyone else do it?" Elizabeth really didn't want to be stuck here the rest of the afternoon and night.

"I'm sorry to say, but no. Beth, Lisa and Kelly are sick, and Sarah has the day off. You're the only one who's not working already." He gave her what she could only describe as puppy dog eyes. "Please?" She gave in, unable to resist those eyes. It wasn't like she had anything better to do anyway. Maybe she would be able to sleep without the nightmares tonight if she was completely exhausted.

"Fine. But I didn't bring any food, so..."

"No problem, order anything you want. And I'll make it up to you, a day off, maybe, Christmas? Spend some time with your family?" Elizabeth quickly looked away so he wouldn't see the pain in her eyes.

"No, that's OK. I always work Christmas, I really don't mind." She got up and went back to the front of the diner.

Spike watched Elizabeth leave his office. That woman was a mystery, one that he was very eager to solve. She was young, beautiful, and smart. She wore a ring that looked very much like a wedding ring in a chain around her neck, but he had never seen her with a man. When he thought about it, he had never seen her with anyone. She never went out with the rest of the staff, he never saw her chatting with the other girls during breaks. She was quiet and kept to herself. A couple of times he had caught her off guard and he was sure he'd seen a sadness and pain beyond anything he'd ever experienced in her eyes. What could have happened in her young life to make her hurt so? He was determined to find out, even if he wasn't sure how to do that. _I'll find a way_, he thought to himself as he turned back to his work.

xxxxx

Elizabeth looked up when the door to the diner opened. A man in his thirties came in with a little boy; he looked about two, and sat down at one of her tables. She grabbed one of the coffee pots and approached the table, smiling at the little boy.

"What can I get you?" The man looked at the menu.

"I'll have coffee and the cherry pie... what do you want, kiddo?" The little boy clapped his hands together and gave the man a big smile.

"Ice ceam, ice ceam!" The man turned to Elizabeth, but she didn't hear a word he said.

"_Connor, what do you want?" Angel picked up the little boy so he could see over the counter at the Sunnydale Diner.  
_

"_Ice ceam ice ceam, dada!"_

Elizabeth was pulled out of the flashback by the sound of the coffee pot breaking against the floor. She looked at her hands, they were shaking.

"I... I'm sorry, I... sorry..." She mumbled to the man before turning on her heal and practically running into the room next to the back office that they used as a changing/break room, not noticing Spike, who she almost bumped into on the way. She sat down on the bench across the back wall and put her head in her hands, letting the tears roll down her face.

xxxxx

Spike was interrupted in his work by the sound of glass breaking in the diner. He quickly left his office, almost being run down by Elizabeth who was running into the other room. Spike considered following her to see what was wrong, but decided to check on the commotion in the diner first.

"What happened here?" He asked Diane, one of the older waitresses, who was cleaning up something of the floor. She looked up at his words.

"Elizabeth had some sort of attack, or something. Just dropped the coffee pot and ran from the room. Don't know what got into her." She returned to the mess on the floor. Spike turned to the man who was sitting at the table in question.

"I'm very sorry, sir, order anything you'd like, on the house." He said before he went to find the waitress who had caused the problem.

He found her in the back room, head buried in her hands.

"Elizabeth?" She looked up at him, and at the sight of her tear drenched face, all the anger rolled off him. He crouched down in front of her. "What's wrong?" She dried her face with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry, I... the man with the little boy, they just reminded me of..." At the last moment, she decided to lie, not wanting to share her most painful memories with her boss. "...my dad. He died a couple of years ago, around Christmas." At least it wasn't a complete lie. Her father had died around Christmas, eight years ago.

"I'm sorry." Spike gave her a sympathetic look. "Do you want me to drive you home? I don't think you should work more today." Elizabeth nodded.

Spike went back into the front of the diner, telling Gina, head waitress, that he was taking Elizabeth home and for her to lock up. He returned to the back room, took Elizabeth's coat from her locker and helped her put it on before leading her through the back door and to his car that was parked in the alley behind the diner.

The only thing said during the car ride were Elizabeth directing Spike how to get to her place. When they got there, he parked by the curb, got out of the car and quickly walked around it to open the door for her. She gave him a small smile as thanks. He opened the door to her building for her, and she stopped on the sidewalk for a moment.

"You don't have to come up with me. I'm fine, really." He smiled at her.

"I know. I'm taking this as an excuse to see your place. If that's OK." He could see how she weighed her options.

"OK." She went into the building and he followed. She led the way up two flights of stairs and stopped in front of apartment 205, rummaging through her purse for the key. Finally, she found it and opened the door, letting him enter first.

"Nice place." He commented. She shut the door behind them and walked into the kitchen.

"I like it." She put her keys on the table, and went over to the fridge. "Want something to drink?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Sure, whatever you've got." He looked around the spacious kitchen before walking through a vaulted opening and into a large living room with a fire place. From the living room there were two doors, one of them leading to a bedroom in light colours, the other to a study where he could see a computer on a desk. There was also a sliding glass door that led to a patio with an amazing view of the city, Central Park right below. _The girl obviously has money,_ he thought. What was she doing working at the diner?

"Here you go." Elizabeth came into the living room, handing him a soda. "Sorry, I don't keep beer in the house."

"This is fine." He accepted the soda with a smile. She sat down on the couch and motioned for him to do the same.

"Thanks... for before, I mean." She said. "I don't know why I got so upset."

"Don't worry about it, I know what it's like." At her questioning look, he continued. "My mother died when I was nine. I don't remember her that well, but I'll never forget the pain and grief. I still feel it sometimes, but not as often anymore. It gets better, trust me." She nodded.

"I know. It's just hard to believe sometimes." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thanks." He decided to lighten the mood a little. "So, how come you work at the diner?" He could tell the question took her by surprise.

"What do you mean?" She had the same look as a deer caught in a headlight.

"Just wondering. I know how much I pay you, and it's not nearly enough to pay for this place." He gestured at the apartment.

"Oh, right." She seemed relieved. "My dad left me money; it's enough to pay the rent and whatever I want. I got the job because I needed something to pass the time, got tired of just sitting around all day."

"Oh, you're a rich girl." He joked.

"I guess you could say that." He heard the defensiveness in her voice, and raised his hands in surrender.

"I didn't mean it as an insult, just making an observation."

"Oh. OK." She looked down, and he could tell that she had shut him out. He got off the couch.

"I should probably get going, let you get some sleep." She walked him to the door. He decided to give his impulse a go. "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tomorrow? With me, I mean?"

"OK." He could see that she was surprised by her own answer, and decided to take off before she changed her mind.

"Great, I'll pick you up at seven. See you then."

Elizabeth stood in the doorway long after he was gone, wondering what she had just gotten herself into.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Elizabeth rushed around the apartment, trying to find her keys. She only had five minutes before Spike would be there to pick her up, and was starting to panic. Finally, she found the keys under the living room couch, and put them in her purse on the hallway table, checking in the mirror that she looked OK.

_What am I doing? Why did I even accept to go out with him? And why on Earth did I get dressed up AND put make up on?_

She hadn't worn make up in years.

_What is it about this guy?_ She wondered to herself. _You like him,_ the little voice inside her said. Did she? It had been so long, she hardly remembered the feeling... Maybe she did. And wasn't it about time that she lived a little? She had been shutting everyone who tried to get close to her for the past five years out. Because she didn't want to get hurt. But she wasn't happy. She hadn't been happy in a long time, not since... She pushed the thought of the past aside and made a decision. She was going to let the night take its course, wherever that might lead her.

She was interrupted in her thoughts by the doorbell, and took a deep breath, pulling herself together before opening the door to let Spike in.

"Hi." He smiled at her, handing her a single white rose. "Flowers for m'lady. Or... well, flower." She took the rose, and smiled back. "You look lovely."

"Thank you. Come on in. I just have to get my coat." She stepped aside, letting him into the hallway. When she reached for her coat, he took it from her and helped her put it on. _What a gentleman,_ she thought as he opened the door for her.

xxxxx

Spike took her to a romantic little Italian restaurant in the Village. The food was wonderful, and they talked about anything and everything, except for her life before she came to New York. Spike didn't push, thinking that she needed to take it in her own pace. After the dinner they went to a jazz club and danced until they were basically thrown out when the club closed.

Spike waved a cab for Elizabeth; he lived only two blocks away himself. A cab stopped, and he opened the door for her. She was about to get in, but stopped. She had decided to finally take a chance.

"Wanna share the cab?" She asked, looking up at him shyly. They were only inches apart, and he could feel the heat her body radiated.

"I live just around the corner, I'll just walk." He held his breath, hoping that she meant more, but not wanting to take anything for granted.

"I know." She kept eye contact with him, hoping that her eyes said what she herself couldn't. Nervously she bit her lower lip, and he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her that he'd had all night any longer.

She seemed surprised by his action, but quickly responded, parting her lips a little to let his tongue explore her mouth. He let one hand slip around her back to pull her closer, the other lingering at her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

They were pulled out of the moment by the cab driver clearing his throat loudly. Spike pulled back a little, gazing into her green eyes, where he found the same desire he knew she could see in his eyes. No words were needed as she pulled him with her into the cab and gave the driver her address.

xxxxx

Spike pressed Elizabeth up against the front door of her apartment, peppering kisses along her neck before turning his attention back to her lips. She eagerly admitted him access and their tongues battled for dominance. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him as close as she could with their clothes between them. She rubbed against him, enjoying the feeling of knowing what her actions did to him. He moaned into her mouth before pulling away a little.

"Keys."

"Jacket pocket." She let him get them and open the door. They almost fell through it, but he managed to keep his balance, kicking the door shut before he continued into the apartment, dropping their coats on the floor.

"Bedroom. Now." She managed to get out between kisses as she started unbuttoning his shirt. He nodded in agreement and headed for her bedroom, taking off her top and bra as he went.

He carefully laid her down on the bed and stopped for a moment to just look at her. She blushed under his gaze and tried to cover her naked upper body. He kneeled on the bed, pulling her arms away.

"Don't." He let his eyes sweep over her hungrily. "God, you're beautiful." She blushed again.

He gave her a breathtaking kiss before continuing down her throat, covering her entire upper body with kisses before stopping at the waist band of her skirt. He pulled the zipper down and slid the piece of clothing down her legs along with her pantyhose and thongs, leaving her completely naked before him.

"Beautiful." He repeated before making his way back up her body until he once again reached her lips. She returned the kiss, putting all of her emotions into it as she wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer. When she realised he still had all of his clothes on, she pulled his shirt off his shoulders and dropped it on the floor before starting to unbutton his pants, a task that proved a little more difficult than she had thought. He pushed her hands aside and managed to get his pants open without ripping the buttons off. He pulled back from her to take off his pants along with his underwear before returning to he open arms. He paused for a moment, gazing into her eyes.

"Are you sure? We don't have to..." She didn't let him finish before she once again wrapped her legs around him and pulled him inside her. They both gasped at the feeling, and froze for a moment before starting to move together in the oldest of dances.

xxxxx

Elizabeth woke from the sunlight that filtered through the blinds. She opened her eyes slightly, squinting in the bright light. To avoid the intruding sun, she turned around in the bed, only to find herself face to face with Spike.

"Mornin' love." He smiled sleepily at her, slipping an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"Morning." She willingly moved closer to him, snuggling into his chest.

"Sleep good?" His hand had come up to caress the back of her neck.

"Mmm hmm. You?"

"Best night I've had in a long time." She blushed at the underlying meaning in his words. "You talk in your sleep, did you know that?" She shook her head, afraid of what she might've revealed.

"What'd I say?" She held her breath waiting for his response.

"Couldn't really hear, just mumbling I think."

"OK." Elizabeth sighed, relieved that her secret was safe a little longer.

xxxxx

"Are you ready yet?" Spike was sitting in Elizabeth's kitchen; waiting for her to finish whatever it was she had been doing in the bathroom for the past hour. It was Valentine's Day, and they had been dating for almost two months.

"Soon." Came the muffled response. "Can you get my keys, I think they're in the drawer by the phone."

Spike went into the living room and opened the drawer in the table next to the couch. He found the keys and was just about to close the drawer when something caught his attention. It looked like a drivers licence. He pulled the small plastic card out of the drawer and looked at it.

It was six years old, but the girl in the picture looked the same. It was Elizabeth. But the licence wasn't hers.

Spike frowned as he read the information on the card.

Elizabeth Anne Summers

1630 Revello Drive

Sunnydale California

"What are you doing?" Spike looked up and found Elizabeth standing in front of him. She noticed what he was holding in his hand. "Where did you find that?"

"It was in the drawer... the keys..." She took the drivers license from him, putting it into her purse.

"Do you always go through people's personal things?" Her voice had a sharp edge he had never heard before.

"I'm sorry, I was just..." She interrupted him; suddenly back to her old self.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped like that. It's just... that's a part of my past and I don't like talking about it. OK?" She gave him a pleading look and he decided to let it go. For now. He was going to find out what she was hiding eventually, but he never would if he started to push.

xxxxx

"Buffy is that you?" Elizabeth looked up at the person who had used her old nickname.

"Cordelia Chase. Imagine meeting you here." She faked a smile at her old class mate.

"Whatever happened to you?" Cordelia obviously didn't plan on leaving any time soon, so Elizabeth prepared for some serious covering up.

"Decided it was time for a change." She chose to answer, giving Spike, who was wondering what was going on, an excusing look.

"We were all so shocked when you left, just like that. Was it because of the accident?" Cordelia asked, trying to sound sympathetic.

"Yeah. I just needed to go, too many memories." At least she wasn't lying, even if Spike probably thought she was talking about something else.

"I never did get to tell you how sorry I was about what happened, we all were." Cordelia gave Elizabeth a sad smile before continuing. "So, what are you doing here? Never did think I'd find you in the Big Apple."

"I've lived here for the last five years. And you?" Elizabeth tried to be polite when all she really wanted was to get rid of the intruder.

"I'm in town on a shoot. I'm a model now." Cordelia said with a smug look on her face. "And who's this?" She directed at Spike.

"William Giles, nice to meet you." Spike shook Cordelia's outstretched hand.

"And you two are..."

"Dating." Elizabeth answered with a smile.

"That's cute!" Cordelia innocently waved her left hand in the air so that Elizabeth couldn't help but see the engagement ring on her finger.

"Well, actually..." Both Elizabeth and Cordelia were surprised when Spike all of a sudden got out of his seat and kneeled before Elizabeth. He pulled a black velvet box out of his pocket and opened it. Inside was a beautiful diamond ring.

"Elizabeth, I have loved you since the first time I saw you. Will you marry me?" Elizabeth could only nod her head, unable to say a word. She threw her arms around Spike and he stood up, lifting her off the ground. A waiter came up to the table with champagne and the surrounding tables burst out in cheers and applause, except for Cordelia who left the couple at the table, an annoyed look on her face.

Spike let Elizabeth down and put the ring on her finger. They both sat back down at the table and Spike poured them champagne. Elizabeth sat staring at the ring for a moment, amazed.

"God, I can't believe you..." She had tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. He took her hands in his, looking deep in her eyes.

"You better believe it. I love you, and I have for a long time." She leaned over the table and gave him a kiss.

"I love you too."

"I was going to wait until later, had everything planned out, but then miss High-and-Mighty showed up and I reckoned you needed some saving." She laughed at his description of Cordelia. "Not a long lost friend, I guess?"

"Not really. We were in the same group of friends for a while, before I realised there was more to life than money and clothes." Elizabeth looked over her shoulder to find Cordelia a few tables away, talking on her cell phone, every now and then looking their way. She could only imagine who she was talking to. "I guess all of Sunnydale will know where I am by the end of the night." She sighed.

"Is that a bad thing?" Spike asked, careful not to make her uncomfortable. This was the most she had talked about her past since they started dating.

"I guess not... there's nothing there for me anymore." Spike could see the pain in her eyes.

"So... Buffy?" Elizabeth laughed at the look on his face.

"An old nickname. I left it when I left Sunnydale." She didn't explain any further.

"The accident she was talking about... your dad?" He tried to keep eye contact with her, but she looked away and chose to just nod. She wasn't ready to talk about the rest of her past just yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

"Hello?" Spike answered his cell phone on the second ring, not wanting Elizabeth, who was asleep next to him in the bed, to wake up.

"William?" He heard his father's voice over the line.

"Hey dad. Something wrong?" Giles was in England for a couple of weeks, visiting his mother, Spike's grandmother, who had been sick for a while.

"No, everything's fine. I just called to check in. How is everything at the diner?"

"Its fine, no problem. A lot of customers, it being summer and all." Spike winced at the memory of the Fourth of July holiday the previous week. They had been completely swamped the entire weekend.

"I expected as much. How is Elizabeth?" Giles had been thrilled about Spike and Elizabeth's engagement; he was very fond of the girl.

"She's fine. Sleeping." Spike looked down at Elizabeth in the bed, lovingly stroking her hair.

"Right, it's the middle of the night over there. How silly of me, I never did get the hang of these time differences." Spike smiled at his fathers rambling.

"It's fine dad, really."

"I'll let you go now, anyway. Call me if there's any problem."

"Bye dad."

"Bye son." Spike hung up and put the phone on the bedside table and laid back down in the bed. He put an arm around Elizabeth, and she turned in her sleep, snuggling up against him. They had been engaged for five months now, and planned on getting married the following summer.

Every day he made little steps of progress in finding out about her past. She talked about her friends back in Sunnydale, her school, and even her dad at times. She had never mentioned her mother, though, or any boyfriends. She didn't wear the ring around her neck anymore, but he had seen it in the drawer of her bedside table. He knew she would tell him when the time was right, and had resigned to the fact that he couldn't do anything to rush it.

Pushing the thoughts aside, Spike pulled the cover around both of them, holding her close to him and drifted off to sleep.

xxxxx

"No... no... please..." Spike was pulled out of a dreamless sleep by Elizabeth tossing and turning in the bed next to him, crying. He took her by the shoulders and shook her gently.

"It's just a dream, love, I'm here, it's OK."

"Connor!" With a cry she opened her eyes, staring at him, and he could tell that she didn't know who he was.

"Elizabeth, love? It's me." He sighed with relief as recognition dawned on her face. Then, tears started to form in her eyes again and he pulled her close, letting her cry. After a little while, she pulled away from him, drying her eyes.

"Sorry." She got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. He could hear the water running.

When she came out of the bathroom, he was sitting against the headboard of the bed, looking at her.

"Who's Connor?" She looked at the floor for a moment before meeting his eyes again.

"My son."

xxxxx

"Your..." Spike didn't know what to say. Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been this.

"Yeah." She walked through the room and crawled into the bed, wrapping the cover tightly around her. Spike put an arm around her and she leaned back against him.

"You wanna talk about it?" He could feel her shaking her head.

"No. But I have to." He heard her take a deep breath. "I'm gonna start from the beginning, and I need you to not interrupt me, or I might not be able to finish." She looked up at him. "I've never talked to anybody about all of this, you have to understand that." He nodded and she continued.

"The driver's license you found, that was from... before. That's my real name, Elizabeth Anne Summers. I changed it when I moved here. When I was little, my parents called me Bethy. My little sister couldn't say that, so she said Buffy. That's how I got the nickname." She paused for a moment, not sure how to go on.

"Have you ever heard of Summers Inc.?" Spike nodded. The company was one of the most well known in California, and had everything from hotels to oil rigs. "My dad was Hank Summers." She let the news sink in for a moment.

"His father, my grandfather, Charles Summers, started Summers Inc. over fifty years ago. My dad inherited the company when his parents died in a plane crash in 1975. That was before I was born. Now I own it." The meaning of what she had just said hit Spike. He had known that she had money, but had never imagined this.

"I was born in LA. When I was five, my little sister Dawn was born. The summer when I was seven, our nanny had to leave, so my mom took me and Dawn to work every day. She owned an art gallery. One day, she needed to go to the bank for something, I don't remember what. Of course, me and Dawn went with her." She turned to him again. "Do you remember the robbery of the First Bank of California in LA in 85?"

"Yeah. The robbers took the entire bank hostage and killed most of them, right?" She nodded.

"I was there." She had to stop for a moment, tears threatening to choke her. He wiped away some of the tears and kissed her, trying to calm her.

"We were standing in a line, me and mom and Dawnie, when the robbers came in. They told everyone to lie down on the floor, so we did. Mom put me and Dawn behind her, trying to shield us with her body. I don't remember a lot of what happened, except for the crash when something came through one of the windows, I think it was the police storming the building. That's when they started shooting." Elizabeth closed her eyes as images of that day came back to her. The screams, the loud gunfire, the blood. She took a shivering breath before continuing.

"I was shot twice, here." She paused as he gently touched the scars below her right shoulder and placed a kiss on each of the bullet shaped scars. "My mom and Dawnie... they didn't make it. Dawnie was two years old." Spike pulled her closer, trying to show her that he was there for her.

"After that, my dad and I moved to Sunnydale, there were just too many memories in LA. Everything was good for a while. I went to school, met new people, made new friends. Life went on. I started high school and met Angel. He was a sophomore, I was a freshman. We started dating. He was my first love and I thought we'd always be together. He graduated from Sunnydale High and went to UCS, so we could still be together. My dad was working a lot, he always did. It was his way of dealing with mom and Dawnie. For my eighteenth birthday, he was going to make up to me that he had been gone so much, so we rented a cabin in the mountains. It was beautiful." She smiled a little at the memory.

"We had a couple of great days, skiing, hiking in the mountains, just spending time together. The last night there, I woke up at four in the morning. At first I didn't know why I had woken up, but then I saw the fire. It was everywhere, including my bed. I managed to climb out through the window and the snow outside put out the fire that had spread to my pajama pants. I still got burns, though, they'll never go away completely." He remembered the scar on her thigh, imagining the pain the fire must have brought her.

"When I got out, I could see that the entire cabin was on fire. I ran to the neighbor and called 911, but by the time the firemen got there, there was nothing they could do. They found my dad in his bed. He hadn't even woken up." She dried the tears that had made their way down her face.

"I went back home. Since I was eighteen, I could stay on my own, and Angel moved into the house too. My dad had set up a fund in his will that gave me enough money to live, and when I turned 21 I would get everything. Things got back to somewhat normal. Three months later, we found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned or anything, but we were happy. It felt a little like something was given back to me, you know? That everything I had lost wasn't for nothing, because now I had this." Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment, trying to regain control.

"I graduated from high school and Angel and I got married. I kept my name since I was the last in my family. My lawyer managed to find some loophole in my dads will, so we got more money every month. In November, our son was born. We called him Connor because Angel's last name was O'Connor, and Connor got my last mane. He was amazing, and I thought that maybe, this time, things would work out." She laughed, anger in her voice.

"You'd think I'd know better by then, right? Everything was great. For a while. About three months before Connor's second birthday, we found out I was pregnant again. It was perfect. A week before Christmas, we went to get a tree. The day before we had found out that the baby was a girl. Angel was so excited, he kept coming up with names on the drive back from the tree lot. We got to an intersection, and stopped for the red light. I woke up three weeks later in a hospital bed. I don't remember what happened, the last I remember is turning to check on Connor, who was asleep in his car seat behind the driver's seat, when we stopped for the red light. The police told me what happened. There had been a truck, it hit us on the drivers side... the driver was drunk." Spike remembered Elizabeth's comment about not keeping beer in the house, and he understood why.

"I asked for my son, my husband, but the nurses just looked at me sympathetically. Finally, my doctor told me what had happened. They had both been killed instantly when the truck hit our car. I lost the baby, too. Apparently, it was a miracle that I was alive. It felt more like a punishment." She let the tears run freely now, not able to hold them back.

"I spent another two weeks in the hospital before I was discharged. My best friends, Willow and Xander, spent as much time as they could there, trying to cheer me up. But I was dead inside, and I didn't want to be happy. A couple of days after I got home, my lawyer came to see me. My 21st birthday had been the week before, I hadn't even realized it, and I was now the owner of my dad's company along with our mansion and a beach house in Miami. That's when I made the decision to leave. I had more money than I could ever spend, so I took it and I left. I came here, got my apartment, and got my job. And just existed for the next five years. That's all I was doing. Existing. Until I met you. And I'm so scared that something horrible is going to happen, because it always does. I'm so afraid of losing you too." She turned around in his arms, and he held her as she cried over the past. He felt tears streaming down his own face at the thought of how much she had been forced to deal with in her young life, more than anyone should have to go through in an entire lifetime.

After a while she pulled away, wiping her tears away.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "For not telling you sooner. I should have." He shook his head.

"No, you had to do it in your own time. I understand that." He kissed away a single tear from her cheek. "And I'm sorry for everything you had to go through. I can't promise that nothing will ever happen, but I can give you my word that I will do anything to keep you from getting hurt again." She nodded and let him comfort her, and for the first time in a very long time she felt like maybe she could be happy again.


	4. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Hi baby." Elizabeth kneeled on the grass and touched the cold tomb stones. "It's mommy." She put the bouquet of daisies in the plastic vase next to the smaller stone and looked at the inscription.

Connor Liam Summers

Our little angel

1996-1998

There was a teddybear next to the text. She hadn't seen the stones before, having still been in a coma on the day of the funeral. When she woke up, it had seemed too painful to go to the cemetery. Angel's parents had taken care of all the funeral arrangements.

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you before. I was in New York; you know where they have all those yellow taxis." Connor had had a model of a New York taxi; it had been his favorite toy. Elizabeth smiled through the tears at the memory.

"I miss you baby. Every day. And I promise I will come and see you a lot more, OK? We're gonna live here now, so I'll see you every day, OK?"

She turned her attention to the larger stone.

Liam 'Angel' O'Connor

Darling son

Beloved husband and father

1976-1998

"Hi." She whispered. "It's me. It's been six years today. I'm OK, happy. I'm with someone now; I know you would want that. I'm finally able to live again."

Spike watched from a small distance, not wanting to disturb her. He heard every word she said, and at the last sentence, he smiled.

Elizabeth had decided it was time for her to face her past. When his father revealed that he had just bought a diner in Sunnydale, Spike took the job as manager. They had come down a week before Christmas so that Elizabeth could go to the cemetery on the day of the accident. They were moving into the old Summers mansion, leaving almost everything behind in New York. He knew that Elizabeth needed this to be able to move on, and he didn't have anything against the town. In fact, he had found that, the last few weeks before the move, he didn't feel comfortable in New York anymore. The city felt too big, with too many people and too much noise. So he was happy with the move.

"Buffy?" Elizabeth looked up at the sound, and Spike followed her eyes. A few feet away a red headed woman was standing, a bouquet of white roses in her hand. "Is it really you?"

"Willow?" Elizabeth got off the ground and threw herself into the arms of her friend who hugged her back just as desperately. After a few moments they pulled back.

"Is it you?" Willow asked again, not quite believing her eyes. Elizabeth nodded.

"It's me. I'm so sorry I didn't... I just had to..." Willow saw her friend's tears and pulled her back into an embrace.

"It's OK sweetie, I understand." She stroked Elizabeth's hair, joining in her tears. "We all do."

"Xander?" Elizabeth got out through the sobs.

"He's fine, everyone's fine." Willow pulled away a little, putting an arm around Elizabeth's shoulder and leading her away from the graves. Spike quietly nodded at the woman, who smiled a greeting. He led the way to a table he'd seen earlier, and Elizabeth and Willow sat down.

"How are you?" Willow examined Elizabeth's tear streaked face.

"I'm good." At Willow's doubtful face, she smiled. "Really. I'm good, very good." She looked at Spike, who was leaning against the table next to her. He took one of her hands in his and gave it an encouraging squeeze. "This is Spike, my fiancée. Spike, Willow." She introduced.

"Really? That's great, I'm so happy for you." Willow gave her friend another hug. "How long have you been together?"

"Only about a year. We're getting married in June." Elizabeth smiled at her best friend. "Here. And I would be so happy if you would be my maid of honor."

"I'd love to!" Willow said excitedly. "Does that mean you're moving back here?"

"Yeah, we are..."

Spike decided to leave the two old friends alone, and wandered back through the cemetery, stopping in front of the gravestones they had left a few minutes earlier.

"I'll do everything to make her happy, mate. I promise."


End file.
